High hopes

Encumbered forever by desire and ambition

There's a hunger still unsatisfied

Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon

Though down this road we've been so many times

The first decade of my life seems so far away now. Of course, there are many things I don't remember from that time. And there are also many things I don't want to remember. The eighties were very interesting globally (especially last years). But we (kids) were protected from it all. I'm mentioning them only because those events defined our lives for good. We just didn't know it then... 

The second decade was much better. If we put aside the war, the economic collapse, the big inflation and the very poorly managed transition from socialism (not very functional, but functional) to capitalism (very dysfunctional)  in our country (countries). 

Once again, we were as protected from it as we could be. And apart from all that we were normal teenagers. We had our own wars and fights. Our own messed up lives. Both great and horrible at the same times. We were discovering the world of music, literature, biology. Oh yes, we were very interested in biology, if you know what I mean.

The world of dating, going out. Our first glances in the world of grown-ups. Our first drinks, first smokes, first kisses... Our first hopes and dreams. 

We saw the good side of life and we thought it would only get better from that point. And we thought that no one is smarter than us. Why would we have to listen the old folks with their stupid lessons about life?

Yes, back then everything seemed possible...

But all of the sudden we found ourselves in the third decade and some hopes and dreams were already dead. 

College drop-outs, relationship disappointments, unwanted pregnancies, illnesses, deaths of close friends, job - no job ping pong... 

Yeah, reality hit us in the face very hard. And we were unprepared...

We thought once we get out of school we'll start working and get our own money. We'll get our own places, start our own families, go on our own holidays... Like our parents did. But at that point all that shit from the end of the eighties and the beginning of the nineties got us. 

Those who were there know what I am talking about. Those who weren't could never understand, so I won't go any deeper. 

Anyhow, it didn't matter. Not at that point. We learned to adapt to it, and we thought it was only a phase and it will get better. We were still waiting that the real life (the life we dreamt about) starts. There was still plenty of time...

As we were waiting, the fourth decade started knocking on our doors. We never saw it coming, it was just there. And we suddenly realized our first grey hairs, first facial wrinkles, first regrets, first serious medical problems... And what is worst, nothing got better.  Au contraire! 

That's when the alarm bells went off and we found ourselves in a infinite panic attack. Suddenly, there's no that much time as we thought it would be. And we are desperate to get our lives back on track. 

That is why I am in Paris today. And many of my friends are in Ireland, UK, USA, Canada, Germany... 

It's make or brake time and we know it... 

And you know what? We will make it! We are much tougher than the world (and ourselves) gives us credit. We are fighters and survivors. And we still have to dream and hope for a better life. It's not over until the fat lady sings! It's not to late to start living! I mean, what's the alternative? 

My generation, this is for you. And I'll tell you a little secret. I've been watching today's kids. They're making all the same mistakes we made. So, at least, we are in front of them...

Our hopes and expectations

Black holes and revelations