Love is blindness

Back then  

Year 1 

The best year, always the best year. No matter what. Everything and everyone are at their best at year 1. Every time. 

The amount of time you spend together. The amount of time you want to spend together. All the little secrets and adorable imperfections come to light. The conversations, the connection, the intimacy, the sex... 

The incredible journey of discovering the very essence of being of a person standing in front of you. And you want to explore it more and more every day. 

Especially if it's someone extraordinary as You. 

Yes we had it all. The late night talks, the laughing, the crying, the weekend trips, the dinner parties, the taking care of, the first "I love you" look that always precede the words, the actual words... 

Absolutely everything that one love couple could have. 

So how come we weren't one? 

Year 2 

Still a pretty great year. Sure, everything is a lot less intense, but much more intimate. There are few surprises, but when they come, they're amazing. Butterflies move from your stomach to your brain. And if you ask me, that's where they should be. 

We still did all the little things that we loved, we still went out a lot, we hung together almost every day. People never invited us anywhere separately. It was so logical that wherever one of us went, the other will go too. Yes, at the time everybody would bet a lot of money on us as a couple. And a pretty happy one I may say. Seemed like such a safe bet.

But they'd lost every single penny if they did, wouldn't they? 

Year 3 

Ah, the year 3. The make or brake year. The love killer. The most perverted assassin of them all.. 

The time when all this questions start popping around from nowhere. What if? Could I? Did she? Would he? Are we? Where is this relationship going? 

That's the most difficult year for normal couples. Even for the best of them. So what chance did we have? 

I guess the only thing that saved us from a complete wreck is that we weren't a real couple. 

If you like irony, it doesn't get better than this. 

Year 4 

I wish I could skip this year completely. The very worst year of them all. And if you are worse than "love killer", it speaks volumes... 

That's usually the year you'll cherish or regret the most. Or both. Sometimes you can do both. More often than you think actually. 

It's the year where most couples decide to get engaged and/or married and/or have kids or start to hate each other and/or break up or (and this is the worst of all) stay in a bad relationship just because they're afraid to be alone or too lazy to start all over with someone new. 

So you got engaged. YOU got engaged, WE didn't.

At that point it was pretty safe to say that we're definitely not a couple. But that wouldn't be completely accurate either (to be fair, not by far). 

Year 5 

That's the year when people start looking around. If they are in a relationship. If they are hung up on someone, they just realize that they should do it. But they can't, because they don't see the forest for the tree. Which is, IMHO, worse than the opposite. 

My mates were all like: "She wasn't right for you", "You'll find someone better", "She wasn't really that beautiful". 

Like any of that matters. It was never the way you looked (even if you really were, ARE beautiful) it was the way you looked at me that made all the difference. 

And that might be the part of the problem. You were (ARE) too fucking beautiful. I always preferred the beauty that most people couldn't see from conventional beauty. I guess it makes me feel special. I've always been funny that way. 

Years 6 & 7 

I have no idea what people normally do in a relationship at this point. I never got that far. And other people's relationships seemed so boring that I didn't pay attention. 

I just know that I couldn't bear to bump in you two everywhere I went. So I went. I went far, really far. But nothing changed. Not a thing. I guess the reason for this was that we never really had a closure. Which was, of course, pretty logical. How can you break up a relationship which never existed?  

For anyone out there bitching about bad break up, try this. You have no idea... 

I guess the closest that we ever were to a break up was years ago when you reproached me lack of ambition. You know what? You were probably right. My only ambitions were to survive and to make you smile at least once a day. 

That seemed more than enough to me. And if you didn't feel the same way, we're probably better off. 

And now

Year 8 

I'm finally ready to move on. To start the new chapter. To start the new fucking book! 

And you'll gonna have to learn to live without someone loving you unconditionally. 

Both of you...